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im going to talk like this im going to talk like this im going to talk like this im going to talk like this testing one two three ow thats a kind of energy im bringing all right play it back be sure to follow us on instagram at wild and mild pododcast welcome to wild and mild im your host and im your second host but number one host
host im your number one host this is your number two host yes you are sarah is the number two host because she goes number to twice a day okay well um nolan is your number one host because he goes number one and you can hear it throughout the whole entire apartment cuz its cuz its what the loudest stream in the world
what are you talking about welcome back sorry we are a little bit late again we just had a oh my goodness what do you got to take that no im not who is it i dont no 468 oh sarah its your job answer the phone so sometimes i come across this problem where my work calls me because theyre short on nurses and
could benefit from me working but that would mean i would have to pick up a shift and i dont want do you get extra money for that i get a lot of money for that why dont you do it its not worth it im trying to eat im trying to eat steaks because i dont need it i dont need i mean i do need it but i dont need it yeah but think about your boyfriend what about my boyfriend i mean your boyfriend doesnt my boyfriend have his own job yeah but he doesnt have he doesnt have money yeah
and then we got to teach you how to save which brings us on to our next topic who makes more who does make more money sarah just kidding so thats something we can talk about so sarah makes almost four times as much as money as i do per hour if youre not including benefits if you do include benefits she probably makes like five times as much as i do and its a little demasculine like i feel like a bit
when im sleeping next to sarah at night because she makes so much more money than me nan sometimes thinks do you think im a bitch well like you could like be better off but you know but you know what covid happened right so you didnt get your job you wanted yeah thats what i tell myself not that im lazy sometimes its kind of nice
because like i know nolan knows that i make more money and so um i like i know that i can be you know the man of the house because you know how like you know how like back in the day the the dad would come home right and expect dinner to be made and the house to be cleaned and he kind of thinks he tests charge of the house yeah well as an independent woman in a relationship
with someone who doesnt make as much money and cant necessarily think he has control over his woman its kind of a nice feeling but you know i never bring those things up to nolan because i know i know even though it shouldnt be this way that it might make nolan feel bad right how do you feel about this relationship as far as the money goes yeah i mean i feel like you
just paying for my sweet dick honestly cuz my dick is so good youre cool with it oh jeez nolan youre so full of yourself what no cuz you so if im if i dont make that much money what other traits do you see in me that make me so attractive you could provide you have good jeans you can make some i have good
good you can make great good children wait okay so what what jeans do you like i like your height i like your okay ivory skin oh i like your athletic build ooh i like your butt now im just kidding all right i probably shouldnt thats not something id want to pass on to my children because lets say
a girl and you know how girls with big butts like thats what guys like so we got to we got to worry about that you so youre basically saying you like me because i look like im breeding material yeah
what else do you have to offer no but youre also very genuine to me and its like you know i dont feel like if you ever kind of get like you think youre so much better than me i can just put you in your place oh damn i have no problem doing that because i make more money but yeah
thats pretty much theres a lot of good things about you all and i dont just like you because your money so much so do i have to worry about the gardener or not you do not have to worry about the gardener why do you want to talk about the gardener i think you want to talk about the gardener its definitely something thats on my mind lets actually i want to hear nolen tell the story what do you remember about the gardener well you told me everything yeah so now i want to hear it from your perspective
so sarah comes home or i come home and then sarahs like you know what happened today no no no start from the beginning from the week before cuz i told you about him the week before did you i did you tell the story because obviously i dont remember just tell the story from the okay fine ill tell the first week you say the second week so meaning what happened last week did something else happen well the first week i told you i introduced myself
self to the gardener oh i didnt know thats where we were starting yeah okay well do you remember what i said no sarah i didnt i wasnt there for this conversation with the gardener no but i told you yeah but okay fine so its your interaction well i want you to i want to see what you remember okay so sarah tells me that she talked to the gardener in spanish okay that was that happened the first week
well okay fine the first week i moved in and i didnt think shit about it because the gardeners are all mexican and they speak spanish so the first so when im first moved in like as somebody whos like new to a place one of the first things i like to do is just say hello to everybody ive i always do that everywhere i go just kind of like to make people see no
that im a friendly person and i can try to be can be approachable you know so that way i dont feel like im living in a place that i feel isolated and can just stay indoors anyways so i just passed by the gardeners um ive talked to a few of them before ive said hello just impassing whatever and then there was one gardener hes like a younger male probably late 20s mid 30s or something
um hispanic and i just said hello and then he just like had small talk and then i get to my car did you say hello first yeah i think i did oh my god well because usually no this is with everybody usually everybody ignores the help you know like the gardeners the house cleaners like this house cleaning service and stuff and its like no we should be saying hello to everybody you know so i didnt want
going to feel like you know as being a brown person to hispanic like were on the same level here were both working in america and all that stuff making means for ourselves so its not like im not going to walk by them and not say anything so i said i said hello or probably they said hello i dont remember either way yeah and they come every wednesday and so then
last week i told nolan what happened again or i told him what happened and what happened that you remember what happened last week yeah so sarah shows me this picture on her phone of these fucking flowers that this guy had apparently put on the door i told you more than that what else did you say
well okay so then the second week i get out of my car because i go on a walk and i get back at like 7en in the morning and the gardeners come and theyre like bonosias and i was like hello and then i walked to my apartment and then one the gardener guy well call him what do you want to call him carlos jose jose my dads name great so jose is already
at my door store like near my apartment just picking up stuff from the ground like no reason to be there like all his compadres were like back at the
car and i was like what the heck thats weird so a little bit of small talk and just told him i was a nurse i had like 4 days off i was a nurse oh in the week before you told them you had four days off yeah i told them yeah i was just like i have four days off so you now im just going to relax and cuz im a nurse so i get to relax i have four days off cuz im a nurse blah blah hes like oh are you like taking care of covid patients and i was just like um no not on my unit but sometimes yeah
and then but the week before let me just point out the week before he asked me if i live alone and i was like no i just moved in with my boyfriend so he knows i have a boyfriend and then anyways last week then then that was it hes like all right take care of yourself and i was like you too and then that was it and then im in my house or im inside for a few more hours and then
leave to go to the grocery store and that was around 1:00 and i come back after two and then there were flowers at my door and then i was like are you kidding me so then i told nolan and that was it and nolen tells me well if he gets out of hand just let me know and ill take care of it and i was like well do meanwhile ive been training with my neighbor at the
tennis courts every other day we go and we throw hands weve been working boxing drills today were going to do a kickboxing drills cuz if you see somebody throw some kicks you know not to fuck with that person okay well it doesnt matter because hes here when youre gone the whole time what what he comes at like 7 in the morning youre gone by then and he leaves that to whatever and youre
here after sarah i swear to god if i come home at like lunchtime and youre fucking the gardener nolan youre getting insecure dont worry youre my one and only nolen because im im tall and i have white skin or sorry ivory skin ivory skin so i got nothing to worry about you got tortilla skin so theres this like tik tok um where its like white or
tinas like white boys because their skin reminds them of tortillas because like the skin is you know like the flower tias its like really white with the brown spots every white guy has that type of skin like look at your arms they have the freckles all over them looks like tortillas on your back and everything i remind you of a tortilla yeah so we like that that must be why i like you so much cuz you remind me of
refried beans you dont even need refried beans you dont even need refried beans i introduce you to refried beans oh thank you because before i met you had never eaten refried beans before well anyways dont worry next wednesday im just going to stay indoors the entire time not go outside i already did all my chores that i need to do for the next week so just going to kind of try to avoid the
partner for now anyways anyways we have a special guest to the podcast what sarah just squeezed her cat so you could hear him yelp poor guy b bb muffin pie bb muffin pie has not been shitting in the middle of the night as frequently which is good
in the right direction i feel like every week has been a week closer to him adjusting more and more you no i kind of thought in the first two or three weeks he was good but every week theres like an adjustment i want to see him go outside i want to see what he can do i want to see what he can kill no my cat is not an outdoor cat hes afraid of the outdoor he literally ill take him outside hell run inside theres no outdoors what the fuck
theres no outdoors stuff for him he sure likes to play though yeah he does although he was no help for that mosquito last night yeah so last night nan was telling me how much he loved me and then he was holding my hand and then out of nowhere he flinches back throws his hand back and almost throws me off the bed because he hears a mosquito so everybody were going to
teach you open the door were going to teach you how to find that mosquito so
what did we learn nolan like that so how do you find a mosquito lets say this is how you find a mosquito you take your shirt off you lay in your bed and you go um thats not what we did last night um and that attracts the mosquito
because youre making mosquito sounds too it comes near you not suspecting that youre like anything but a mosquito like cuz they hunt in groups right they hunt in packs right and then when he comes you just snatch it out there and squish it thats not what we did nans looking at me with his eyes wide open
blinking a million times hes like so sarahs going to go on some elaborate thing about how she does so and so with the fucking light none of that shit worked what actually worked was turning off the light going trying to go back to sleep me hearing it telling sarah to turn on on the light turn off on the light seeing the mosquito on the wall and me squishing the mosquito you turned on the like
completely yeah amazing well thats thats how it is everybody how to catch a mosquito thank you on to our next on to our next topic what are you what do we um do on these hot summer days were going to give you some tips on how to stay cool you know coronas
going on obviously we got some r limitations so were going to give you some advice and tips and just things that weve done and what you can do to stay cool so you can start out by making out start outs smooches whisper sweet nothings into your sos earnent their neck nan were not going to
their body caress their back with your hands so last weekend this weekend we got invited to go to the lake so um push their hair behind their ear stop so no so everybody do you want to fuck right now stop noling so um here in california theres a lot of lakes everywhere like a billion lakes
so what you can do is get on google maps look up just look at the map just maybe go into a certain area look up where you live and then maybe go a little up north or a little to the east and just look up little bodies of water that you can find and then click that place to zoom in and then go to that lake spend the day at the lake you sarah wears these dresses that are like so short and the
back and i see her in them like after work and im just like damn i just want to grab you and take you to town town right now were talking were talking about the water nin what this is my podcast too i want to talk about stuff i thought we were going to talk about whats to do yeah yeah stay inside cool fuck like rabbits no because noland
thats going to make you hotter so in the shower what we okay yeah right what happened last in the shower that was the worst night i that was the worst night of my life the worst night of my life talking about last time we tried it worse anyways so what were going to do on friday is go to the water park so what to do what to
do you hear about the water park is it supposed to be open the water park is supposed to be closed but theyre keeping it open because they get fine $500 a day for having it open but theyre just like fuck it were just going to keep it open summer its summertime buse theres hell of people right now that want to go and like stay cool its going to be 14 106° people want to stay cool get out of the heat yep i mean if you got
kids you want to get them out of the heat outside running around you cant have them running around to the park at 106 degrees look at heat stroke you got to have them with some water going down some water slides you chill in the lazy river
that sort of thing and theres you got to wear your mask 6 fet apart but you dont wear your mask and yeah im wearing my mask my n95 its going to be like a fucking rag over my face its going to be like im getting waterboard its going to be like a diaper hanging off your face so um so theres chlorine everywhere i think ive heard coronavirus dies really easily with any house cleaning up
items so chlorine would definitely kill it but im pretty sure theyre like cleaning out the they like close the whole park just to clean it up and stuff and then they open it again a few hours later so its a little bit risky but we want to go i mean thats the best kind of sex is risky sex so so were going to go and take it out um so if youre like the type of person thats
loves adrenaline but is not willing to do anything dangerous i highly suggest going to having sex in public ah damn that was close im going to punch you in the face i highly suggest doing going to the water park because like theres rock theres a skydiving bungee jumping snowboarding all those dangerous water park theres those things no im just saying you could do all those things
used to like have an adrenaline rush but they all come with the risk of death right you can die at the water park its call drowing but at the water park you can go down the steepest hill water slide i mean and it feels like the biggest adrenaline rush in the world but somehow physics makes you stay on that tube and stay on the like slide that you dont just like fly off but it gives you such an adrenal
but and you feel like youre going to fly off and it just feels like this most scariest thing in the world yet you stay like on the slide right so i sarah can you turn that damn thing off so anyways yeah thats what i suggest yep what i suggest during a nice hot day you stay inside you close the blinds
you get out that that bag of goodies that you got hiding under your desk and you say to your so that youre not getting out of this room for the next 4 hours so i suggest you use the bathroom now and then you tie them to the bed how does that sound sounds like
torture bad idea nolen see stop my legs are all sound of me caressing sarahs leg stop my legs are all prickle sarah youre like a cactus i know cuz i havent shaved my legs what are you going to pay for my laser
health treatment your laser health treatment are you going to are you going to pay for my laser hair treatment laser hair treatment yeah yeah all right well then were going to go how much is it how much is it to get your leg legs hair laser treated $200 a session 12 sessions thats a lot of money do the math you do the math lets see if i dont do the math 12 200
i dont get your phone down i can do 12 200 oh my 2400 oh very good excellent so anyways so anyways there is not a mathematition you know when i was in call when i was in uh high school i took algebra and i failed it the first time i think i got a d which is not passing
but then i took it the second time and i did a really really good like a plus on everything good and then when i went to college i only took statistics and thats it so i lost all my algebra skills and stuff but in nursing school we redid like algebra like with medical math mhm and i thought it was super easy thats good theres just i dont know its like
you ever like do something that you have no idea how to do and its like your brain cant wire to solve that like problem or
like think of how to do that thing ive never had that issue so thats what it feels like sometimes when i do math like its like my brain doesnt like connect its not like all math problems its just like certain problems so anyways thats my problem how how old were you when your parents started teaching you math uh i would say middle school really
yeah because before i started kindergarden i would say elementary school before i started kindergarden my mom had me adding shit up its good some people are made for math some people just arent remember i had the the fucking times tables memorized can ask me any sort of multiplication yeah nolin is actually pretty good at math i mean hes not perfect because he can make some errors
cuz he thinks he can do everything in his head but it keeps you sharp doing things in your head i mean you just had to do 12 200 on your calculator i know oh my gosh can you close the door but i think sarahs good at language cuz she speaks two languages although english is not i think shes better
spanish then she is english english is sarahs second language nolan english is my first language stop youre just jealous you cant speak two languages yo ablodos languistos yeah thats not how you say that how do you say that oh i was so close no three out of four words correct is 75 yeah but if the other person cant understand
75 is not passing to me so anyways what else happened in the last two weeks we found out this mexican um ice cream parlor that was suggested on tiktok and my friend suggested i go to and they have um its called michocan plus and they basically have mexican desserts mexican snacks
what oh my god he doesnt want to go hes like let me closer and they have like so many flavors of popsicles so today nolan surprised me with the gummy bear popsicle and i thought that was really sweet thank you you thought the popsicle was sweet yes
yes i did im here for you sarah im here to satisfy all your needs and deepest darkest desire sometimes like when nolan doesnt do anything like thoughtful for me and im just like the only one cry no its just like sometimes when nolan doesnt do anything thoughtful for me or just doesnt get me flowers or give me gifts or just like offer to buy me dinner and stuff or clean
you know i just think like i think its because hes white and white people are kind of bland i would say its because of that but then he surprises me sometimes and he gets me hell like clean my lunch pal and then like make me a sandwich and actually pack my whole lunch and then come home with a popsicle that i really wanted to try so i guess he has
some am i unpredictable yeah i guess i guess you can say that which which to me i think is okay yeah which is i think is good versus something that happens like every day like if you get flowers every week can you imagine having to maintain that every single week right that would get really tiring thats why i dont
no last time you said you dont get me flowers buse my dad gets me flowers you just said you didnt want flowers every week your dad gets you flowers all the time yeah i dont think so but anyways what else turn to talk my turn to talk about fucking time so this is whats going on you do talk too much this is what i have to say im not
going to talk about what happened two weeks ago im talking about 2 weeks into the future were going to have flying cars were going to have communication without work
were going to be able to communicate through our minds and were going to have universal basic income you dont have to go to work but you still get paid sarah my question to you if you didnt have to work what would you be doing traveling where would you want to go everywhere but
asia and india cuz you might get raped and brazil you know they rape a lot of people in india and brazil brazil especially i feel like a lot of people go into sex trafficking there well you dont dont like intend to but they get as a career choice yeah like when carnival happens i know rio de janeira or whatever carnival yeah they take a lot of people there they take a lot of people once they arrive there
mhm i didnt know that so and like china i wouldnt want to go to china because they do really crazy stuff to animals and its china they take fucking kids and harvest their organs and shit exactly and then also because its just like oh look dark star war has invited you to play egg picks legend yeah i got a game invite for my friend um and then indias um just very crowd
i dont want to be in a place thats really crowded because i just feel like i would get i would probably get sick and die and then um do you like america yes so what where in america would you want to go then oh well i would want to go to washington i want to go to washington state yeah wyoming i want to go to wyoming to the yellowstone national park where would you want to go
i want to get to new york mhm why cuz ive never been in new york and i promised my grandma before she died id take her there which grandma the dead one oh so now you have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life yeah i have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life but thats why you dont smoke cigarettes kids yeah smoking is bad where else would you want to go i would want to go
i dont know i havent given it much thought what do you i feel like you think about shit like that all the time yeah i dont really think about stuff like that too much all right so if you didnt have a job or if you didnt have to make money what would you do be doing i would probably be making a music oh i would be making more music
yeah making a lot more music so every day you would wake up make music go to sleep every day theres nothing else yeah some days what about the other days other days mhm play video games okay i would like fight people i feel like ive always wanted to fight somebody oh okay
maybe you can go into the ghetto and just like pick a fight with somebody fulfill your dreams im thinking about that gardener oh my god the gardener does not pose a threat at all well plus you have to work every single day so youll never see him unless you continue calling sick thats a good thing about covid is i got unlimited fucking uh sick days
but that like my my supervisor today was like hey are you feeling all right and i was like honestly i just didnt feel like going to work so i just calling sick i said that and theyre like all right cuz they cant do anything you have no work ethic at all what do you mean i have no work ethic you literally tell that to your boss what are they going to do they cant fire me well yeah i mean i dont know
its not good dont but its funny you just keep it to yourself jesus christ but anyway what else we are going to wrap it up pretty soon are we its only been 20 minutes thats fine what do you mean thats fine im going to be cutting my hair pretty soon ive been thinking about maybe going really short please dont what do you mean
please dont go really short like how short is too short like here to your neck okay like a karen like a door the explorer
no one thinks you can control me i will do what i want sarah ill fuck this shit out of you regardless youre so crazy so whats going on in two weeks mr future in two weeks itll still be august my parents want to hang out mhm
but i think these next few weeks is going to be like 100 deg let me finish what i was going to say regarding my parents please stop interrupting me yesterday when we were in the car and sarah was asking me all these questions and then she would say why arent you answering me why arent you answering me and id be like sarah its because you wont let me speak and shes like ive given you many opportunities to speak but youre not saying anything and
was like sarah i will respond when you give me the opportunity and shes like then why dont you respond then and it went on like that for two minutes and i was just like what the fuck is this girls problem its because im not used to such a slow pace like you i need answers and i need answers fast i hate when people when im talking to somebody and im not waiting for a response and it takes him a second two seconds three seconds 5 seconds i
have stuff to do like im not used to just waiting around for a response sarah if you ask thats what part of being a nurses okay i dont need no slowness because that just makes you seem weak honestly thats what my take on it okay go for it if you ask me a question that i have to think about then im going to take my time thinking about it sarah basically asked me when im i going to get my leg
together and i was like well i need to think about this question because i dont want to say the wrong thing and have sarah get mad at me i want to say the right thing have ser not get mad at me anyways me and sarah have business to handle were going to go
sarah thinks sarahs making sleeping sounds despite fucking telling telling everybody about going to the lake and shit youre an idiot sarah hit the stop button were done here
thank you for listening in on our podcast sorry it was a little slow you know how nolen is but well see you in two weeks you got anything else sad i cut nolans hair and it looks like charlie sheens hair
Wild and Mild Podcast 